i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
