Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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