The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
COCAINE IS GR8
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
