I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
