I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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