my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
