no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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