If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
