When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
