He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
