you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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