And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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