All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
