It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
