It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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