Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this will be a night to untag.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
