So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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