You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize