Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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