he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
