Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
