i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
