just come out here and I will go home with you...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When are your genitals available?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
