You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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