i barfeds in our rink
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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