He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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