I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
