Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
