my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize