He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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