do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
