I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
