I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
