The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
