So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
