I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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