I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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