Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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