i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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