Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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