Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
