I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
