I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
