I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
