It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
