I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
