i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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