it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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