I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
