While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
