is your mom at the bar?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
