Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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