Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
