when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
