Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
