im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
