The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
