She said her name was "party"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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