I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize