I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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