I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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