I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
