I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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