I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
