whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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