we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
