FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
