there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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