About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
