We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
