im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
