theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
soo... how was my night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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